G.R.i.D. (Get Rich in Dallas)

Well, I’m a little sad because Saturday were Mesquite’s municipal elections in which my fantabulous sister-in-law, Rachel Lopez, was running for City Council and did not end up elected. Sure I may be a little biased but truly felt she offered something different than all the other candidates and now elected officials. I think she offered a little more homegrown attitude to what Mesquite needs and instead of focusing on businesses, she wanted to focus on people and the growth of the city.

Her chief opponent won convincingly but soon after, we heard of questionable tactics used by the slate the Mesquite Firefighter Association put together. Voters being intimidated at the polls, opponent signs being slashed and even Greg Noschese handing out scratch asking people to remember him at the polls. Just sucks to hear that stuff because a) I want to have true faith in the voting system which is really hard after watching this and b) hearing all that stuff doesn’t really surprise me. I find it curious that he has 900 votes in early election and Rachel and the other candidate had only 300+. His campaign did nothing to reach out to the people where she walked door to door and campaigned the old fashioned way, by earning people’s trust and giving them an ear. No-cheese merely had his firemen do the word. Additionally, they broke several rules not only intimidating folks if that was the case but also campaigning while in uniform. Uhhh, conflict of interest? Yep! The other candidate, Dan Aleman used his pulpit as a pastor to campaign which is in violation of most non-profit type entities but he did.

And the slate includes other candidates that are primarily going to whitewash city council into another ineffective group where nothing gets done. As Rachel campaigned, even I had hope, and still do, that the city could be more than what it was - a dumping ground and almost a joke. Now, I just feel self-serving interests will be met and another term where city council nary bats a wink at the important stuff.

Yes, this is all very easy to say that because she’s my sister-in-law, it’s easy for me to bitch and moan and whine and cry foul play. I get that completely but that doesn’t hinder me from seeing the actual work that goes into a campaign and election and while I was spending my time in Mesquite helping out, hardly did I see similar efforts by other candidates much less the now-electees.

Clearly, money was the only thing talking in this election. No-cheese only wanted this to add to his resume because he had no conviction in his public forums. Just cheesey gestures. He should do the city good because he kept touting his term as president of the Chamber of Commerce yet what he always failed to connect was that he kept mentioning how businesses kept leaving the city under his term. So, with that kind of leadership, all I can say is good luck Mesquite. You’ve made another bad decision.

I have this stint with Red Lifestyle magazine, a small rag catering to the LGBT demographic. They’ve entrusted me with a monthly column for both Houston and Dallas spotlighting an upcoming event or profiling someone relevant to the theme’s issue, etc. So this month’s issue was the Book Issue. I got excited about this because I thought I might get to interview the author of one of my new favorite books.

After reading a review in The Advocate, I thought Exile in Guyville sounded like a good read. It’s not. It’s hella great and friggin’ hilarious. Whether yer gay, straight, male, female, I think Guyville has a hilarity and even charm that anyone can relate to. The interview panned out greatly but dangit, I could only submit 600 words. White is quotable out the a$$ and to trim the fat down was almost tragic for me but I have to admit I was happy with the final result on page nine (WARNING - it’s PDF format).

So, I thought I’d indulge myself and place the entire interview here. White had the brilliant idea of having it over AIM which worked out beautifully. However, I never imagined it was going to be 679926 pages long. There are a lot of gems because he’s just snappy and quick that I couldn’t let it go unheard. Thus, if you’ll indulge me as well, here is part one, of however many, of my interview with Dave White, author of Exile in Guyville: How a Punk Rock Redneck Faggot Texan Moved to West Hollywood and Refused to Be Shiny and Happy.

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(Ed. Note: Grammar, punctuation and sentence structure will be pretty much thrown out the window with this format. Plus, the many ellipses in White’s answers are merely me consolidating his multiple answers)

Dave White oh hey there you are

Rich Lopez sweet, how are you?

Dave White good man…drinking tea, looking at naked men on bear411…the usual Saturday morning

Rich Lopez I just finished rereading (aka skimmed) through your whole book in the last two hours at Starbucks

Dave White wow…dedication to the art of the interview…which I’ve never had

Rich Lopez ha-ha…perhaps. It was even better because I was at gay starbucks and saw all the different queen classifications you mentioned

Dave White there’s a gay starbucks in Dallas now? Which one is that?

Rich Lopez GBA - gay by association. The one on Lemmon

Dave White oh got it

Rich Lopez I’m actually finishing up some of my questions for you as well as partaking in my breakfast of nutter butters and fat free milk.

Dave White that ain’t breakfast!

Rich Lopez I’m too lazy to make eggs

Dave White so is this gonna be a q & a or a profile thing?

Rich Lopez haven’t decided but I think I’m leaning toward Q & A. I tend to prefer those.

Dave White you know I prefer reading those myself…I like seeing conversations in print

Rich Lopez yeah and it seems more worthwhile. like a reader is getting to know the subject. or something.

Dave White right…I just like the way they seem more natural…than a profile with quotes and a writer trying to be all clever…but anyway

Rich Lopez lol. Yeah, I gotcha. Skimming your blog now. I like your play lists

Dave White how awesome am I?

Dave White very!

Dave White I kid

Rich Lopez anybody who plays Breaking the Law is awesome in my book

Dave White hahahaha…I got all confused when I came to Dallas about a month ago and some friends took me to the eagle there and there was this hi-nrg playing there…I’m used to leather bars being rock-ish now that I live here…but I remember how it was when I lived in Texas…nothing but house everywhere you went

Rich Lopez when I first started going out, I thought that’s what they were going to be like. And then I heard Vogue at TMC and was just like, HUH?

Dave White I got no beef with house music…but

Rich Lopez I do

Dave White I think there’s room for variety…and honestly when you play rock and roll in a leather/bear bar, the gays get more worked up…they like it…it makes them feel tough

Rich Lopez right? I love how the Round Up here plays disco for about five songs and that dance floor fills up pronto

Dave White yep…I used to go to the round up…I had this big lug boyfriend who wanted to teach me to two-step… that never took…the dance or the boyfriend

Rich Lopez its harder than it looks!

Dave White tell me…I lived in Texas for like 20 years and never figured out how to do it. And I fuckin LOVE country music too…so I was a failure

Rich Lopez meh. I don’t think boot scootin’ is as much a requirement in these parts anymore.

Dave White but I used to like it when they’d stop the Brooks and Dunn for 20 minutes and then everyone would line dance to Baby Got Back…I should use capital letters and punctuation to make this easier for you…Starting now. (Ed. Note: he never did.)

Rich Lopez ok, so I’m gonna start lacing the conversation with questions.

Dave White awesome

Rich Lopez but first I have to say that I totally forgot this from the first time I read your book but I love that you mention 13th Floor Elevators and Get Christy Love in the book. haha..Fan of both

Dave White 13th Floor Elevators were amazing…I never did drugs so I like druggy music…It approximates the experience. Well, probably not. But I like to pretend it does.

Rich Lopez he did a show here last year….or dang, maybe 2006 now.

Dave White Oh cool.

Rich Lopez Q - So after nine years, have you made peace with moving to LA and the city itself?

Dave White Oh yeah, I did after two years. People who don’t know me read the book and think I’m going to be this L.A. hater and I have to ruin their day and tell them how much I like it here now…. still love coming home to Texas, obviously, because there’s no place quite as weird, not even Los Angeles, and because I need barbecue and to visit my mom, but I love Los Angeles now…And even West Hollywood isn’t “West Hollywood” anymore. It’s been somewhat de-gayified.

Rich Lopez Well I imagine you kind of just have to like it since it’s your new home. Q - What are some of the things you miss most about Dallas

Dave White No one without rent control can afford to live here anymore. So it’s all 30something professional single women moving in…I miss ribs. But then, if I’m being honest, I really miss the ribs you get in Fort Worth at Angelos…Also I miss how I sound like the person who isn’t a hick.

Rich Lopez heh…what do you mean?

Dave White In Los Angeles, all my friends think it’s the apex of hilarity to mock me when I say, “I’m fixin’ to eat some pie.”

Rich Lopez ah I see

Dave White But in Texas…I sound like a Harvard man…my accent was never really full-on twangity…My family, though, they’re the cast of “Hee Haw.”

Rich Lopez Q - what would you miss about LA if you were moving away from there?

Rich Lopez DISCLAIMER - I know I’m supposed to be all AP style and correct spelling but I take major shortcuts if necessary. just FYI so you don’t think I’m that much an idiot.

Dave White If I had to leave Los Angeles now I’d miss the fact that I can see every amazing band in the world on any given night of the week. I remember how my favorite ones would never play Dallas. What else…I would miss tacos. They’re better here…I would miss everyone being self-absorbed. Because once you meet enough people like that it becomes really funny instead of disconcerting…I kinda like the gays here, too. I’ve met more weird gays like me here. I was such a loner in Texas.

Rich Lopez wow. There is some major self absorption here

Dave White I had this straight roommate back in Texas. A good friend from college, and…He had never really met other gays…And he and I had all this shit in common, like fucked-up music and weird movies and whatnot…And one day he goes, “You know, I think I know why you don’t have a boyfriend.”… And I go, “Because I’m too busy fucking you.”…Which he always laughed at when I said it…But then he says, “Because you’re a total weirdo. It doesn’t matter what sexual orientation you are. You’re just not normal.”…So many gay guys I met in Texas had a stick up their ass about so much stuff. About being gay, about being good, about being accepted as normal. They all liked the same things and all tucked in their shirts and all went to church…They wanted to be the best little boys in the world, it seemed…Except for the part where they all smoked a pack a day and drank themselves blind.

Rich Lopez hahaha. I think that’s why I seemed to connect to your book so much. I hate to be one of those a**holes who say I relate to you because of blah. For me, while reading, I just kind of felt like, OK, I’m not the only who mostly has straight friends or listens to this music or watches the Mavericks or whatever and life seems OK. Q - What is weird about you?

Dave White Well I’ve found out that there’s not much that’s really all that weird about me…It’s just that everyone who felt out of step in the Midwest got their ass to a big city somewhere else…So I know plenty of gays here with the same cultural leanings as I had…or have, rather

Rich Lopez So you were “weird” here?

Dave White So the fact that my favorite bands are Sonic Youth and the Boredoms and that I love black metal and that my favorite movie is “Eraserhead” or I think it’s fun to watch “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” and that I don’t give a fuck about the gym or having my back waxed or that I’m not a self-centered gay Republican, none of that is weird here…I didn’t seethe with anger about it when I lived in Texas, mind you. I LOVE Texas…and I got along really well with people…but I found dating a challenge…I wasn’t upset about my status as too weird to be boyfriend material…I liked not having one… had my family…my friends…and my fuckbuddies…I didn’t need a boyfriend.

Dave White So of course one came along and ruined my life all of a sudden.

To be continued…

Seems like Love Field is organizing their lines for better service. Depending on the amount of baggage you’re carrying (sans emotional) and your airport savvy, you can head to the quick line but if you’re basically dumb and decided to carry on too much, then you go to the other line. Basically, this is how the Associated Press puts it:

Seasoned travelers with few carryon bags can try the black diamond lane.

Passengers with more items, or who aren’t as familiar with airport security, can use an intermediate, or blue squares, lane.

The green circles lane is for those needing extra time, such as adults traveling with children.

What’s more, is, it’s “self-select” so whichever of the above is appropriate, you take yourself on to that line. Ideally, this should speed up those pesky security lines but how will this be policed exactly? Will security refuse the inappropriate traveler or just push them on through? It just reminds me of those frustrating times when that darn person in front of you has 20 items in the 15 items or less Express Lane at the grocery store. Grrrr.

Ugh, I was so mopey yesterday that I just now saw that the Mavericks announced late Friday who their new coach is. Mike Fisher over at DallasBasketball.com reports that although he may not be Mr. Right, he’s Mr. Right Now for the team and that would be former Pistons coach, Rick Carlisle. Not Jim Carrey. However, Richie Whitt over at the Sportatorium doesn’t quite see it as a done deal as others have. Sure it’s likely but maybe we’re counting our eggs too soon?

Although it does concern me that not even a week has passed and they have practically moved on to another coach. I mean, the season is over, why not take a small break, mourn the loss and then gear up with a smart and slow approach to determing the next coach. Alas, I guess Cuban just wants to get the Mavs asses in gear stat to dominate later in the year.

We hope.

I’m an official headline…sigh…but a little sad about it. I’m sure you’ll get the idea right away.

Rich Lopez Gracefully Bows Out From The Observer Offices

It’s been fun and a pleasure but now that I’ll have a little more time, I imagine G.R.i.D. will get back into the groove again. Just needed to wait for the changes.

This only has to do with today being the release date for Iron Man. I just wish all my friends would have waited for me to go but it’s ok. I’m sure watching alone on a Saturday morning will be just as exhilirating.

But I digress…now watch! ‘Tis funny.